I am more than you think

I am a goddess. I am a publicly sanctioned goddess. I have met all the qualities and requirements of being a goddess. I am working on my second master’s degree. I did the MLS program, although I really wanted my masters in English. Still, the MLS allowed me to start teaching sociology, so I’m not too disappointed. So, here I am on the second degree, but it’s the first degree that qualified me for “goddesshood.”

I had, I think, Dr. West for a pre-Revolutionary War history class. On the first day, he went over the syllabus and the requirements of the class, just like any good instructor. He finally ended with something to the tune of “Don’t expect to get an A+ in this class. Such a grade means perfection and only God is perfect.” I didn’t have a hard time with that. An A or A- is just as good as an A+ in my world. I’m not that grade driven. (Please note the sarcasm dripping in that sentence.)

Of course we had to write a paper and it had to be about that time period. Now what is an English major going to write about in a history class? Dr. West suggested a few things that sounded okay but overworked. l cast about for a topic and finally got the idea of writing about Noah Webster, the dictionary guy. He lived in that era and that was when he first started work on his dictionary.

Researching Noah was pretty easy. I found part of a thesis a doctoral student had put online, hoping for comments from people like me. I even got a couple good sources to use from the student’s works cited page. Okay, fine. I admit that I let another person do some of the research, but if you think about it, it’s not an unusual occurrence.

My paper started with a brief biography of Webster and how he grew tired of Samuel Johnson’s dictionary that seemed pretty useless as far as Webster was concerned. I talked about the reason for Webster’s desire for a dictionary that was for Americans, rather than just anybody. He also included lessons pertaining to English and some of the grammar rules.

Anyway, I covered a lot of that stuff, and then explained how it is that we say some of the words as we do. Saying “aks” for “ask” is not a new phenomenon. According to Webster, “aks” is a perfectly acceptable pronunciation. Webster also tried to make spelling more consistent. I used to say “centra” when I saw “centre.” I talked about that too. Webster also had people who attacked him, saying his dictionary wasn’t that great. Seems to me if someone objects like that, they must be narrow minded.

So, I handed in about 12 pages of Webster. A week later I got the paper back, and it had an A+ on it. Now, Dr. West said that only God is perfect and I shouldn’t expect such a grade. It was a good paper, but it wasn’t that good. However, who am I to argue with an instructor? I figured either Dr. West was tired when he read my paper or drunk or both. Again, who am I to argue with this kind of a grade?

If my paper was perfect, then I must be perfect. Therefore, I am like God. I can’t be THE God because that’s blasphemy, and I take the God seriously. Since I can’t be God, then I must be a goddess. And since Dr. West was full time and probably tenured, I had official backing in my claim to “goddessdom.”

This business of being a goddess can be a burden, but it’s worth the effort. When I tell my students of my status, they know right away they have a nut for a teacher. Plus, when they invoke my name saying things like "Oh, god," I try to answer quickly lest they think I am denying what I have previously told them. It really is a tough job. Try it some time.